If I have any advice for the people starting college or university this week, it’s this:
A lot of kids who struggled socially in high school- dealing with bullying, ostracization, isolation, and loneliness- got themselves through with the thought that “university will be better.” Often this is the line their parents feed them, because high school can be a bleak, bleak place, and if you sell university as “more of the same shit,” no student will feel the drive to keep pushing forward. So university gets built up in your mind as this fantastic mecca of acceptance and love where you will instantly fall in with a group of people who share all your interests and invite you everywhere and you will have a million friends and the days of sitting alone at lunch will seem like a distant, fading dream,
I get why this myth persists, because, as I said, high school is brutal if you struggle with being social. But in the long run, it’s damaging. I remember when I got to university, I was SO EXCITED, because I thought I would finally find “my people.” I waited a week. Then two weeks. Nothing happened. By the end of that semester, I was making sobbing, inarticulate phone calls home to my mom because she’d PROMISED university would be better, what HAPPENED?
The plain fact is this: if you had trouble finding and making friends in high school, that’s going to carry over to university, because you’ve never learned how to make friends. Those of us who were bullied learned strategies for avoidance and self-defence; we never learned how to say “hey, you want to go out for coffee?” or “I heard the Barenaked Ladies are playing in Kitchener; want to go?” We have no training for maintaining friendships; we have a long history of hiding in empty classrooms, the library, anywhere where the crush of unfriendly faces wouldn’t follow us. And while that got us safely out of our teen years, it’s not a productive strategy for a successful, outgoing adulthood. That’s not your fault. You weren’t prepared. You left high school with a brain full of book learning, but very little in the way of socialization. There are plenty of programs created to help children with learning disabilities, but those whose disabilities extend to their social life (as mine did and does) rarely have the opportunity to practice their skills. (Not that it would have done much good; in my case, I’d reached tenth grade with a well-cultivated hatred for my peers and their seemingly inexplicable demands for “correct” social behaviour, and I wouldn’t have modified my social actions even if I did have a teacher.)
I don’t have a neat ending to this story, or a magic pill that will make you a social butterfly by the time orientation is over. I can only tell you what eventually worked for me, after I spent my first two years hiding out in my room and crying because I hadn’t yet found My People:
- Join clubs. I know this sounds like incredibly generic advice, but it gets repeated often because it’s true. More importantly don’t drop out because you didn’t immediately make friends. I know the temptation is to say “well this isn’t working” after two meetings because nothing in your life has prepared you for slowly working towards friendship. But it doesn’t always come quickly or easily, and if you drop out right away, you give up on any chance that things will change.
- Do not go home every weekend. This piece of advice is really only for those of you whose parents live close enough to your university that you can afford to spend weekends at their place. This is a bad idea. All it accomplishes is a retreat to your den of safety, and while it feels cozy and warm, it’s not helping you acclimate to your new environment.
- Make friends with your professors. Some professors will be real assholes, but others will be like your favourite teacher from high school- that person who was always happy to chat with you after class and didn’t mind you putting your hand up every five minutes. Not only will that help you put down roots on campus, they’ll probably have university activities to suggest for you. Like “hey, you seem interested in archaeology- have you looked into joining the Classics Society?”
- Do not spent all your time on the internet. I know it’s comforting (see above re: returning to your den) but you are not going to meet locals by browsing tumblr.
- Get out and wander around town. You will get lost at some point. That’s okay. The locals are used to it. Keep a bus map in your backpack and wander anyway.
- If, like me, your social inexperience is due in part to a learning disability (*ASD fistbump*) seek out disability clubs/organizations on campus. Yes, they exist, and they’re a good resource.
Hey guys, I wrote a post about the high school/university transition for those of us who hated high school.
Mallory Ortberg has a voice like an old movie actress. (“Male Novelist Jokes” at the Last Bookstore in LA)
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that Mallory Ortberg is one of the funniest writers alive, and a wonderful entertainer.
- Both “Support Darren Wilson” fundraising pages were suspended by their creators with no explanation. Who started them?
- Deaths from police shootings (latest available year) USA - 409 Germany - 8 Britain - 0 Japan - 0
- MO state Rep. Jeff Roorda: 1. Has been raising money for Darren Wilson 2. Was fired in 2001 from the police force for making false statements and sponsored a bill that would hide the names of cops involved in a shooting 3. Link to all the details & case laws on the false reports filed by Roorda while he was an officer 4. Gov. Nixon endorses Roorda at office opening ceremony
bring on the socially awkward carloses they are the blood flowing through my veins THE OXYGEN IN MY LUNGS
Cecil asks Carlos to come on the show and do a segment with him and Carlos starts to stim, playing with his hands, and stuttering every time he tries to talk.
Cecil just smiles at him and tells him that he’s doing perfectly, keep going.
me: hi, can i have a large—
starbucks employee: you mean a venti?
me: can we not do this
my apologies to the OP for thoroughly derailing their harmless text post but i’ve seen so many people reblog it with this stupid screen cap and i have to say something:
- no starbucks or BN cafe employee actually cuts off a customer to correct their terminology. in fact, they are specifically trained not to
- any starbucks employee who does this is an asshole and an outlier adn should not be counted
- if anything when i repeat the order back to the customer i use the correct terminology so that they’ll know what it sounds like when the order gets called out, but sometimes not even then
- STORYTIME: the original sizes at Starbucks were short and tall. that was it. short was 8oz and tall was 12oz (you can still order short hot drinks at most stores, though they’re not on the menu). That’s not a whole lot of coffee, so the company decided to do one bigger one: the grande (which, incidentally is also italian for large, not just spanish. romance languages, people, they’re a thing. nearly all the non-english words on the menu are italian) which was 16oz. But that wasn’t enough for the public, and by the time Starbucks got more popular and people wanted more coffee per cup,the venti was introduced. why venti? because they already had short, tall, and even taller, so venti stood for the 20-ish ounces that the cup held. eventually the short kind of got phased out of most menus because it really was a small amount of coffee, and thus the tall, grande, and venti sizes became unofficial equivalents to small, medium, large.
- when i was a barista, fairly new at my job (and therefore had not seen this quote before), i actually had someone quote this movie at me once, after i had repeated the order back to him, and i almost cried because i didn’t know how to respond, and was young and sensitive and was not accustomed to the casual assholery you get subjected to in the service industry. thankfully, the guy behind him actually spoke up: “no one cares, man, just order your fucking coffee”. that was pretty great
- that being said, the barista behind the counter did not name the drink sizes. if you want to call it stupid to someone who can actually do something about it, call corporate
- this scene in the film, while also an ill-advised dig on ~starbucks culture~, was actually there to show that Paul Rudd’s character was a sour-tempered dickwad (whose girlfriend, played by Elizabeth Banks there, breaks up with him shortly after if I recall correctly), and emulating him only shows that you are an unoriginal sour-tempered dickwad and should probably never interact with anyone on a customer service level ever
- in conclusion either shut the fuck up or never go to a coffee shop again
- PS: have you gotten dragged into starbucks by a friend and want to order coffee, but saying the size names makes you feel silly or uncomfortable? not to worry!! luckily, your baristas are usually thinking, feeling human beings who will know what the fuck you mean by small, medium, or large, and won’t act deliberately obtuse like the strawman barista in the film
American Ballet Theatre corps Kaho Ogawa 10 pirouettes
Friendly reminder that if you ever use the term “ballerina” as a pejorative, you deserved to get kicked in the kneecaps by one. And trust me she’ll do damage.
Probably all my followers know this, but in case you don’t: ANYONE can get an account on AO3. You don’t have to be a writer, artist, or other fanart creator. All you have to do is request an invite, and currently I believe the wait is something like 24 hours.
Reasons to get an account:
- You can see all the fic that’s locked to members only! Especially important for sports fandoms where lots of people lock their fic for RPF reasons.
- You can comment on fics that are locked or have anon commenting turned off.
- You can use AO3’s bookmark function (which some people use as a rec function, for example)
- You can turn on the history function, which then keeps track of EVERY FIC YOU EVER CLICK ON
AO3! Accounts are for everyone! \o/
You can also subscribe to updates from a story, series or author, and add fics to your read later list if you’re too short on time to read that amazing-sounding 70k fic!
Friendly reminder! Request an invite today, start bookmarking and subscribing tomorrow. \o/
Alternatively, a plea for Little Mix to release an acoustic album.